i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
