Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
