I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
