I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
