Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
