Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
