Screwed.edu
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
