My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize