JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
