Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
