I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize