you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
