I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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