cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We need to rekindle our bromance
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
