He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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