I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
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I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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