Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
