he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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