I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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