saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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