I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
