I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
