I accidentally burped into my bong.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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