I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
