I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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