Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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