he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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