I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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