what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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