I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
