Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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