is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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