there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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