TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
