Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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