have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
