fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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