I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
