Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
