Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
