would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There r osticjed everywhere
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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