just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
