She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
