At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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