you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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