things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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