things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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