Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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