put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
