Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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