The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
