Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
