I feel great
I just peed on a car
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
