I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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