He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
