you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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