I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
