Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
