Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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