Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
