Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
