I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
