This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
