apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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