obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
