it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
