i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
be right there i have to get my cape
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize