It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
